it's been a very interesting week. i saw three movies in the past week that have brought me to this weird place tonight. in this order, "sicko," "war photographer" and "the lives of others." all three movies leading me to a place of pure openness in my heart and of complete vulnerability. All three have dealt with the topic of humanity , unselfishness, enlightenment, moral ethics and just helping our fellow man..something i think is lacking in this world lately.
this week im forced to look in my own life and realized that i have lost touch with it. some events have taken place that have lead me to believe that i need to listen to my intuition and clear out certain things that don't feel geniune and right. it's hard to say goodbye but i think it's time. I can see the truth of others. This is something i need to pay attention to.
i came home tonight and cried my eyes out and realized this was the week and days
leading up to my father's death in 1994. Wednesday, july 18th. i could feel it but it was confirmed by a phone call to my mother. I guess you never quite get over it..the feeling of that loss stays with you forever. It seems like every july i end up feeling this. It's as if this emotion for this time period is recorded and buried deep in my subconscious.
If there was anyone that defined humanity , it was my father. a pharmacist who would let everyone pay their bill whenever they could but no one ever left the pharmacy empty handed. He would deliver drugs to the elderly door to door after work. He even took in my brother's friend who was physically abused by his father. This kid lived with us for 2 years even after my brother left for college. He became one of the family and he was also gay. In 1988, i wasn't even out and gayness wasn't as accepted..there was no queer eye for the straight guy or ellen.
We had open doors and people would come and go. they could always find some love at the hagopian house. i feel very lucky to have felt that kind of non-judgemental love and acceptance. this is my tribute to my father, harry der hagopian. i have not forgotten who you are and what you've taught me. you will always be in my heart. Every day of my life, i hope i can give what you've given to me to others and to my art.
below...photographs taken from "war photographer," photographs by james nachtwey.
so i attended the siren festival on saturday. caught new york dolls and we are scientists. at the end of the night, i checked out the gaming area and realized some of the coney games are serious old school...i even won a cheetah at the rifle shoot..basically shot 10 out 20 moving targets. not too shabby! the cheetah looks like a demented leopard...like taxidermy style...im thinking i need to throw it out or donate to the kids down the block....i'll try to add a photo of the demented cheetah over the weekend....
